Okay ladies – I’m willing to
bet that most of us have seen the movie by the same title as this post. Some of
us may have read the book. And many of us (myself included) have been both
enlightened and horrified by the messages conveyed and at the actions that we have
all, at one point or another, performed in order to get the interest of a man.
I decided to read this book
again, after having found it while packing up my bookshelf in preparation for
moving back in with my parents. And even though I’ve heard it all before, it
still resonates with me as though I was reading it for the very first time.
Disclaimer: These are not my
thoughts specifically – they are what I’ve taken from the book. Please feel free to weigh in
– I’d actually love if you did! Let’s see if the ladies and gents out there
agree with the following…
He’s Just Not That Into You
If…
1) He’s Not Asking You Out. Okay. This is the 21st
century. Women are taking charge of their lives, their wants, and their needs. (Supposedly)
gone are the days when women shouldn’t ask a man out. What’s more is that we’ve
all heard the reasons for why a guy may not be making the first (or second or
third) move and asking you, this amazing, beautiful woman, on a date. Maybe
he’s shy, or intimidated by you, or not sure of your feelings towards him, or
lost your number, or busy. No. He’s not into you. If he wants to see you, to ask you out…he
will. (I don’t even think it matters if you show interest or not…). Apparently
it has something to do with biology and him going for what he wants. Whatever.
Fact of the matter is that if HE wants to see YOU, he will make. it. happen.
Case closed. And you know what? You are good enough to be asked out. You don’t
want to have to convince someone to see you. You want him to KNOW that his life
would be better with you in it.
2) He’s Not Calling You. Perhaps he was just so busy
that he forgot to call you when he said he would, or forgot to call you at all:
“When you like someone, they don’t just slip your mind”. If a man likes you,
he’ll want to talk to you. He won’t forget. Do you want to be forgotten by
someone? In the words of the author, “You deserve a fucking phone call.”
3) He’s Not Dating You. (Is it me or do all of these
reasons sound the same?). A guy that’s really into you will WANT to be your
boyfriend. He’ll want to be “emotionally protected” in the relationship and
know that he’s yours, and only yours. If he sees you sporadically, chances are
he’s not into you because if he really DOES like you, he’ll want to see you as
much as he can. Apparently. He’ll want to make sure that you won’t be going out
and meeting someone new because he wants you all to himself. One message that
came out loud and clear from this chapter? Get to know someone as best you can before sleeping with them. A lot of the
time we want to be the “cool girl” who just lets things happen and doesn’t have
the “girly, emotional” chat about where the relationship is going. But here’s
the thing – the ones that do have the chat know where they stand, while the
“cool girls” often end up in arrangements that leave them feeling as though
they’re not good enough to be in an actual relationship with. The part that
really resonated with me is that we shouldn’t be guarding our feelings in the
beginning to make sure that we don’t spook them – instead, we should be careful
with giving out our emotions (and other things) until we know we’re with someone
worthy of receiving them.
4) He’s Not Having Sex With You. (I’m assuming this is when you are "dating" someone, because
there are MANY men that will have sex with a woman without being into her. I think.). So,
basically, if a man you’re dating is into you, he will want to touch you in
some way. If he doesn’t, then he’s not attracted to you. Blunt, but it makes
sense. Being scared, shy, whatever, doesn’t really cut it. If he’s attracted to
you, he will show it. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who
doesn’t find you attractive???
5) He’s Having Sex With Someone Else. Cheating is not
okay. Whatever problems you’re having does not make it okay for him (or anyone)
to enter into a sexual relationship with someone else. Anyone who actively
participates in sex with another person while still in a relationship with you
does not respect you. I don’t care what the reason was. You want to be so important to him that he couldn't fathom fucking up the relationship by sleeping with someone else. End of story.
6) He Only Wants To See You When He’s Drunk. You’re
amazing, fun, and exciting enough to be with while sober. He doesn’t, nor
should he feel like he does, need alcohol or some other substance to be in your
presence because honey, he’s going to need to be at the top of his game to
handle you!
7) He Doesn’t Want To Marry You. If marriage is important to you – which is totally okay,
by the way – and he is willing to let you go rather than marry you, then he’s not into
you as much as you deserve him to be.
There are more to come, but
this post would be waaay too long if I wrote them all here. Stay tuned!
Love,
M
