Eavesdropping - A Guest Blog

*SM has frequently been mentioned in this blog – what many of you hopefully realize from the sitcom post, in which she featured, is that she is freaking hilarious. The post below is courtesy of SM – you are welcome, beloved blog readers*

One of my favourite past times, besides people watching, is eavesdropping. Especially when you don’t get the full story and your imagination gets to play the game fill-in-the-blanks.

I was waiting for the train yesterday and I was stuck in between two new moms with their babies. For those who don’t know me, I am one of those horrible human beings that find babies cute from afar but repulsive and annoying up close. Anyways… The one trashy mom picks up her daughter and decides that her 7 month old wants to meet a friend. So, she introduces her baby to the other mom. They start talking about how much they weighed, how old they are, names etc. Generic baby stuff. I started to get a little queasy when the instigator lady started talking about her birthing experience. Even the new “friend” she just met was a little taken aback with the gory details. I decided that, for the sake of my stomach, I would stop eavesdropping. That is until the mom came out with this awesome trailer trash quote: “When they start teething just give ‘em one of those rubber cell phone cases…they love it you can go do your own thing for hours...”- Mom of The Year.

I thought THAT was entertaining until I got on the train. I found a seat and settled in, ready to put on my headphones and plug into some music until…”You are not comfortable with yourself…girls are just like guys minus the penis” - gay guy talking to gay friend.

HELLL NO! I can’t let this one slide. I need to listen more. I kept my headphones on to be a little more discreet, but I so wanted to intervene. Like, this friend was giving every profound quote to his friend. Kind of like “I sound super smart and deep so you should take my advice”. The sad thing is that I think his friend was okay with himself from the start, but his so called friend the therapist felt like he still need to throw out the quotes and advice: “Put a bunch of tape on your wall every morning, and when you wake up, peel one off and tell yourself ‘I am gay and I love myself’”. His friend couldn’t even reply. I have nothing against gays or lesbians – in fact, my good friend is a lesbian and I’m in her wedding party. What I do find hilarious are people who think they know it all.

After these two entertaining experiences, I have decided that I will play a little game with people. I know I’m not the only one who likes to eavesdrop, especially when the topic is juicy. So, I am going to have phone convos or actual conversations with friends and make up the most ridiculous story and watch peoples’ reactions around me. There will be no point to it really. Just to give those eavesdroppers something to go home and tell their friends about: “OMG! I was on the street car and this girl was on the phone planning her own funeral. SHE WANTS MARTINIS SERVED!”

I look forward to my ride to work tomorrow….