We’ve all seen Jersey Shore – and if you haven’t, I’m sure you’re still aware of the characters that grace the TV screen through that show – so you know that the “men” on that show really encompass the femininity that has suddenly become so popular with guys these days. I would like to say that the Jersey Shore guys are magnified versions of girly men, but they aren’t. Real life guys are the EXACT. SAME. I go to a salon where there is also tanning, and the number of men there is terrifying. I want to show them all to this blog. But then again, there must be some woman out there that enjoys a bronzed male in the middle of January. (Of course, there are always exceptions – tanning booths help with some skin issues that are beyond one’s control – the use of a tanning bed in this situation is much more acceptable). These tanning-for-looks men are also probably the ones that shave, wax, or laser their chests. Which…no. That’s just…sad.
I’ve worked in Toronto. I’ve been to London, Rome, Athens, Barcelona…all the “exotic” cities. You know what I notice when I’m there? How tight the pants are on the men who reside in these cities. How coiffed their hair is, pointy their shoes are, and tanned their skin is. They wear scarves for NO REASON (when it’s winter and you are outside, it’s okay. Necks should be kept warm. But not by a Burberry scarf).Is the woman beside you wearing a scarf as part of her outfit? That should be a red flag that you should take your fucking scarf OFF your neck and burn it.
When I venture into Toronto (which isn’t often because I do not like people that much and there is a LOT of people in that city), I’m surrounded by girly men (like, on the street. They don’t flock to me. I’m not vain enough to think that all the men there think I’m amazing and are fighting for my affection). The hair that is slicked back just so, and the earrings (earrings!) that are glinting in the winter sun. I’ve been envious of a guy’s diamond earrings before. That is not okay.
That brings us to the hair. A little gel to manage it? No problem. That falls into the category of being presentable. It’s the hair that is slicked back, styled, and hair sprayed. If there are STEPS to your hair care beyond wash, dry, and gel, chances are you’re man-woman. And even worse than expertly coiffed hair? (Hey, guys? If you own a hair straightener, give it to your girlfriend/sister/friend/any female – just get it out of your possession). Highlighted hair. I understand that frosted tips were all the rage in the late 90s/early 2000s (I know this because I distinctly remember M always having highlighted hair, and one of my buddies coming to the door with blond spikes on his head. It was shocking), but that time has passed. Don’t dye your hair. It’s weird.
Oh, and their shoes! They’re so pointy and they click! I should not turn around when I hear clicking shoes and find a man. No. No no no. Men’s shoes do not click unless they are wearing cleats of some sort and are heading out to play a sport.
Finally, I come to the worst – and most prominent – item of a man’s look that takes him from man to man-woman. The skinny jean. I just…I don’t have words to speak of my horror when I see a “man” wearing this item of clothing. If you can FIT into skinny jeans, there is a problem. If you can fit into WOMEN’S skinny jeans, you should probably put up a flyer around your neighbourhood seeking your lost balls.
I realize that I am very opinionated when it comes to this topic. It is because I very much like guys that are, in fact, guys. I want to be the girl. I don’t want to fight him for the bathroom mirror as we both style our hair. Some women like feminine men. That’s great. They need people to love them. It’s just not me. And this is my blog, so I can say what I want.
Also, thank you for reading. I love you.
Love,
Bella
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