Pet Peeves

Me at most customers. Inside my head, anyway. I'm incredibly sweet on the outside. It's exhausting.

I have a mid-term today, which means that although I haven’t blogged in a long time, today is obviously the opportune time for me to get back into it. I’m giving up taking a break from studying in order to bring to you a list of things that have been annoying me the last few days – or at least have been way more noticeable due to the sense of impending doom that comes with mid-terms. You’re welcome.

1) People that talk at the back of their throats. Makes my skin crawl. Clear your damn throat and speak properly. Or not at all. Preferably the latter.

2) Parents that think it’s adorable to let their children talk at the cash register to me as I’m checking them out, but I can’t understand what the fuck they’re saying and just stare at the kid until the parent translates. Also, parents who let the kid hand the toy to me to scan, and then they start having a God damned conniption because they don’t have their toy anymore. Simmer, child. Jesus.

3) Parents who talk to their kids really loudly in public so we can all see what a great parent they are and how happy their kid is. You don’t look like a good parent, FYI. You look like an asshole.

4) People that don’t speak loud enough, especially at the cash registers. I cannot hear you. When I say “Pardon?”, please adjust how you’re speaking. If you keep speaking quietly, I’m going to pretend I hear you and do what I want.

5) People that have other language accents – I can’t understand what the fuck they want and they don’t understand me because English isn’t their first language, which…not my fault, PS. I want to hug the normal Canadians when they say words.

6) People that don’t hate other people. Come on. You cannot love people so much that you inherently see the good in everyone. That’s just wrong. And annoying as fuck.

7) People that comment on how fast I eat. This should actually be number one. Why the hell people feel the need to comment on the speed at which I eat my food is still a mystery to me. Mind your own fucking business.

8) People that think that because I don’t have their life – which is a variation on weddings, babies, cooking, cleaning…the boring shit, to me – that I must be unhappy or feel like something is missing. And sometimes I just want to say that, actually, your life makes me sad. I’m much more content with MY life – as crazy as it may seem to outsiders – than I would ever be with theirs. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. (Except for right now…I don’t love the school part of my life…so I’ll give them that).

9) Girls that post “selfies” all the God damned time. Could be because I don’t do that on account of looking terrible in photos and they look great that I don’t understand the draw, but Jesus H women…settle down on the selfies.

Ah, good times were had writing this. I feel much better about my pet peeves. Still terrible about the mid-term, though.

Love,

M