Mid Week Musings

Escalators

(Amen)

I never thought I had a fear of escalators. I take a little long to get on (that’s what she said), but that’s just good sense. You have to respect the motion. Last week, though, everything changed. I was going to lunch with some girls from work and we were laughing and talking and just generally being awesome and making everyone around us jealous of our good time. We proceeded to the escalator, I checked to make sure that I was getting on a fully formed step, and we began our descent. I was being hilarious (naturally) until I tried to shift my leg and realized that I couldn’t. I was stuck. STUCK in the stair of the escalator. I nonchalantly tried to pull my pant leg out of the area where it was stuck and, when it didn’t come free, panic set in. “Guys, I’m stuck. I’M STUCK!” “Stuck in what?” Let me mention that they were both laughing hysterically at my misfortune. “I DON’T KNOW. The stair?! Oh my GOD!” *begin frantic tugging on my pant in perhaps a more exaggerated manner than was necessary, but YOU try being stuck in the frigging escalator stair* At this point, I was envisioning my pants getting more and more stuck until they ripped or I had no choice but to remove them, and then I would end up in the middle of the concourse with no pants on and my train husband would probably walk by and he would laugh and I would just be there, just there with no pants on. And as much as I would like to be around him without any pants on, that is not the ideal situation for that to happen.

Subway

(Not exactly the type of dancing I had in mind, but I could see it happening. It's not like I haven't tried to do it before)

There is something about the subway that makes me want to break into song and dance (which I could probably do and receive no reaction whatsoever, as there are some weird ass people in Toronto that all the locals are totally used to). Every dance/romance movie in the world is based on an affluent classical dancer falling in love with a down and dirty street dancer from the wrong side of the tracks. At some point, these couples almost always are on the subway going to auditions, parties, or the poor one’s apartment that he (it’s almost always the dude) shares with his 10 siblings, abusive father, over worked mother, and their five cats because, for some reason, he feels it’s important for her to meet the family even though the shock (and, probably, the stench) is too much for the girl to bear and the guy feels ashamed even though it was totally his idea to go there and they break up until the end of the movie. Ahem. Sometimes there is even a dance scene ON the subway car. So, basically, I feel like I am in one of those movies and I am traveling not towards the train station, but towards an audition that no one knows about with a group that is totally not my usual scene but that I will of course rock and everyone will see what a beautiful dancer I am even though I am from the street or, conversely, that I can totally get down, yo, even though I am classically trained.

The End of the World

(If the end of the world is upon us, it better be representative of "The Day After Tomorrow". Complete with being trapped in a library with Hottie McHotterson, aka Jake Gyllenhaal)


I can’t not mention the "end of the world". Come on. On Friday I saw a guy walking around with his kid and holding a sign that said “Judgement Day is Tomorrow”. Yes, expose your son to your radical beliefs at an early age. That won’t scar him at all, nor will it severely affect his ability to make any friends. Hell, some guy spent his life savings on posters advertising "Doomsday." Hey buddy? If you're so sure the end is nigh, then maybe give that money to those of us that could use it for, like, shopping and stuff.

Honestly, I don’t know a whole lot about Judgement Day except for what Dean Blundell told me on the Edge, which is that Jesus is going to rise and take the believers and followers or whatever to Heaven and leave the rest of us on earth (think post-apocalyptic world like in The Road, which is terrifying because I neither want to be eaten by someone else, nor do I want to eat another human) until October when he destroys the whole world. Basically, the picture I have in my head is that Jesus or God or whatever is Ariel’s father in The Little Mermaid with his stick thing that like blows things up. Or something. I don’t know, I didn’t research it. I’m just beyond glad that I didn’t take the crazy ass preacher to heart and profess my love for every guy I think is attractive or eat my last meal of all my favourite foods (although let’s be honest, I do that every Friday night). Because after 6pm I would be stuck here on Earth with a man that doesn’t love me but who is overly aware that I love him (there would, of course, be a considerable amount of seduction involved during my confession, and it would not necessarily be pretty) and just hugely fat because I ate enough pasta, wine, and chocolate to last me an eternity. Literally.

Love,

Bella

Husbands, Lost Loves, and Crazy People

(My New Crush)

Train Husband

Last week, my curiosity as to where Mr. Bella works got the better of me. I decided to nonchalantly follow him through the subway to find out which line he took (what? I was going on the subway anyway). Turns out, he takes the same line I do, he just gets on closer to the end (which coincidentally is a much quicker way for me, too – learning something new AND standing in close proximity to my husband!). At this point, I felt somewhat like Phoebe when she is stalking the guy that used to stalk her because he thought she was her sister and she hides behind the garbage can…never mind. Anyway, when we got on the subway, I basically peered at him from the corner of my eye for about 10 minutes when…drum roll please…we got off at the same station! What are the chances?! (And no, I didn’t just jump off when he did – I did have a job to get to, thankyouverymuch). I tried to follow him all the way to my office but he walks too fast…as in he may or may not have been running, fearful of the clip-clip of my heels as they descended upon him…

Two days later, I offered to let him go ahead of me on the train, despite the fact that there was no one behind me and letting him go was fairly pointless and perhaps a little stupid. I also waved him on with my hand still in my pocket, so I may have resembled a penguin. He said thank you, like the gentleman he is, and I said you’re welcome. Well, I said it in my head. It came out as “mmcomeshmm.”

He loves me. He’s just unaware of it right now.

Something Borrowed

When telling M that I wanted to see this movie, his reply was that it looked stupid and it was just all about infidelity. I told him I love infidelity.

Okay, so that’s not entirely true. But I do love the sort of movies where the people that are CLEARLY meant to be together but aren’t eventually end up hooking up. It’s just so…I don’t know…satisfying? I think I loved this movie so much because I saw myself in the main character. She was kind of shy, kind of mousy, with brown hair and glasses. She had everything set up perfectly for her first class and then ended up dumping all of her pens on the floor. It was just so me (yes, I am aware of how conceited that sounds). So when she fell in love with the guy she met at school but was terrified to tell him and he ended up with someone else, I felt like I was watching every single moment that happened to me unfold on screen. I can’t count how many times I’ve liked a guy but couldn’t imagine telling him because really, why on earth would he want me? And I don’t say that for sympathy or pity. I honestly could not believe that he would want me when there are much prettier, smarter, and funnier (well, maybe not funnier) women out there. So I would play the friend, encouraging him to approach other girls and talking about other guys to him. And what ended up happening? Exactly what I “seemed” to want to happen – he ended up with someone else, and I wound up hurt and confused. But it wasn’t his fault. Not in the least. It was my fault for not telling him how I felt. Not to say that he would reciprocate the feelings, but at least I would know. Rejection may hurt for a while, but knowing he has someone else and always wondering what if? That hurts much, much more.

Uncensored Mental Patients

This is exactly how it sounds. I volunteer at a psych hospital on the weekends, and I get to hear a lot of, well, everything, from the patients. These people are some of the sweetest, funniest people I’ve met, even if they aren’t trying. Most of them are really confused; they’re very lost souls that just want to talk. So I provide that.

And they provide me with entertainment.

The other day we were talking about working out and how none of us are particularly happy with where we are in terms of health. Most of them think I am amazing, which is part of the reason I enjoy it there so much (kidding!). So when I said that I wasn’t happy with myself, one lady piped up and said, “Oh no, you look great! I mean, you could lose 20 pounds, but you look good…” Um…I…okay…

One of my patients even protects me in the other 6 worlds that are in this universe as he loves me “unconditionally”. He also speaks to me through his mind. I’ve yet to converse with him through such mediums. But, you know, maybe one day…

Perhaps one of the best conversations I’ve heard in a long time occurred between a young girl and a guy in his 20s:

Guy: What’s a surrogate?”
Girl: When you have a baby for someone else.
Guy: Oh. I thought you were a surrogate.
Girl: Well, I thought I was. [Thought?!] But I asked my boyfriend if my baby was mine or Natalie Portman’s, and he said mine.
Guy: Well, she’s got to be yours. She looks just like you.
[Yeah, because THAT’S the reason]

My GOD I love these people. Even if some of them are cops, mafia heads, or developing a super race.

Love,

Bella