Fabulous Friday: Stop Comparing

"Damn, I wish I had those..."

I think everyone – even if they don’t admit it – is guilty of comparing themselves to someone else. Right now, I’m talking purely on a looks basis, because, unfortunately, looks dominate society.

Men and women compare themselves to others all the time. And while it’s not a bad thing to have a role model or someone who is your inspiration, I don’t think it should be on an imitation basis. When it gets to the point when you’re comparing yourself and working to look more like someone that isn’t you, something is wrong.

So stop.

I’ve definitely looked at actresses, friends, and friends of friends and thought to myself, “I wish I looked like her”. And when I look back on that (not to say that I don’t still do it – I literally thought that about a girl on the street today), it makes me so sad.

Why can’t we just be happy with who we are? Why, instead of saying, “I want to look like her when I lose weight”, can’t we say, “I want to look like a better version of myself”? When did we all start being so down on ourselves?

Yes, there will always be someone who you think is prettier/handsomer, thinner, taller/shorter, more muscular, leaner etc. than you. It’s human nature to constantly want more. But I think its time that we actively try to stop that thinking and, when we start comparing, immediately shift our thought to, “Well, this is what I like about me”.

Sure, what I say is all feel good, self-help crap, but it’s also true. Trust me, there has been at least one person who has looked at you and thought, “If I could only look like her/him.” What if you started seeing yourself that same way?

I, for one, am going to try and start thinking like this. I am going to stop comparing and start thinking, “Yes, she’s beautiful and that is so wonderful for her, but I don’t want to be like her. I want to be like me.”

I’ve been trying to do this for years, and I’ve never been able to keep it up. But I’m so tired of thinking I’m not good enough. And you should be, too. You’re beautiful because you’re you.

Every curve, freckle, bump, and mark makes you who you are and makes you beautiful in your own way. Embrace it all. You’ll be much happier if you stop comparing yourself to someone who I guarantee has self-image hang-ups, too. Life’s too short. You only have one face and one body. Stop wanting to change one or both of them and learn to love them.

Love,

M

Fabulous Friday: Reasons

Well. This picture seems to capture exactly what I wanted to say much more succintly than I did. Damn it.

Happy Friday, lovely ladies - and gents! This one is for everyone.

I'm willing to bet a lot of money that everyone has heard the saying, "Everything happens for a reason". What the hell does that mean? It's stupid.

But then I got thinking - and listening to Carrie Underwood's new song "Good In Goodbye." At one point, she sings, "I'm so glad I didn't get what I thought that I deserved." That's when the stupid reason saying really resonated with me.

We've all gone through disappointment and heartbreak - a job we didn't get that seemed perfect for us, a person that left that we thought was our happily ever after, a house or apartment that got snatched up by someone else. At the time, it may have seemed like nothing was going right and that life wasn't going the way you thought it should.

Now, looking back - and okay, let's be honest, I'm talking about a guy here - I am so very glad I didn't get what I thought I wanted. I'm so glad it didn't work out, because when I look at where I am now and where I know I would be if I got what I thought I wanted, I would be so unhappy. Did I know that at the time? No. I thought the future that I was envisioning was crumbling before my eyes. I didn't think I would ever find someone close to him. How wrong I was. Sure, I may be yet to meet a guy worth giving up my beloved single status for, but I sure as hell know that I don't want that one.

Ahem, so anyway, my point today is that even though it may seem like you didn't get what you wanted, it could very well be because there's something so much better on its way. You didn't get what you wanted for a reason, and the reason is because that job, person, or house wasn't where you should be. It ended because there's much more in store for you - be grateful for that, and don't dwell on the past. What's done is done - move forward, and realize your true potential.

My GOD, I am so philosophical.

Love,

M

Fake It 'Til You Make It

I really try to live according to this motto. I used to be very open about any insecurities I had, but then I realized that people that do that are really effing depressing. So I decided, on the advice of a girlfriend, to fake confidence until I actually developed some.

Well, let me tell you something. It's exhausting.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I much prefer being regarded as a self-assured woman than one that needs constant reassurance and thinks nothing of herself (for the record, I'm not actually that bad, though I still don't know how to take a compliment. That could be because I don't get them that often - oh, see what I did there? I changed from being depressing to self-deprecating. Which I think is hilarious as a sense of humour). But pretending like I don't have serious insecurity issues or that I believe I'm pretty cool? Good GOD, that's difficult.

I think that may be why I'm always so tired. Because inside, there's that little voice saying, "You're such a fraud. You are not at all the girl you're portraying. Just give it up." I really hate that voice. There are days that it overpowers me, or something is said or done when I'm immediately reminded that I'm totally faking everything. Even things that I say - I think back on it and think, "That doesn't sound like you." But it's who I want to be.

But - and this is where I want to incredibly clear - this isn't to say that I'm faking my personality; I'm just being the girl that I want to be. There's the self-assured, self-confident person inside, and one day I will be able to be that girl without actively trying to be. It will just be inherent. But I have learned that there are aspects about my personality that I don't have to fake that I'm actually happy with. I'm not ever going to be that lady-like, discreet (though I really should work on that part), demure girl. I can drink beer with the guys, but I can get dressed up and go some place fancy and hold my own without acting like a completely different person. My sense of humour is very warped and often inappropriate - but those that think it's funny are the only people that I want to be around.

I guess the point of this blog is to highlight the importance of ensuring you portray yourself as a confident person to the world, but not losing sight of yourself. It's good to embrace your flaws and appreciate your quirkiness - it's what makes you, you.

Love,

M

Fabulous Friday: Words to Live By

I missed posting on Friday, but I couldn't wait a week to post these words of wisdom. I gave this “poem” to the ladies that attend my Ladies Only support group, but I thought it to be particularly fitting for this week’s edition of Fabulous Friday.

You. Are. Amazing.

As. You. Are.

Stronger than you know.

More beautiful than you think.

Worthier than you believe.

More loved than you can ever imagine.

Passionate about making a difference.

Fiery when protecting those you love.

Learning. Growing. Not alone.

Warm. Giving. Generous.

Quirky. Sexy. Funny.

Smart. Flawed. Whole.

Scared. Brave. And so, so, so. much. more.

Be Strong. Be Confident. Be You.

~ Tina Sparkles Singh

Happy Friday, Fabulous Ladies.

Love,

M

Fabulous Friday: Stop Apologizing

I’ve decided to start a new “column” in this blog entitled “Fabulous Friday”. Obviously, Fridays are fabulous because it’s the end of the work week (for most) and everyone just seems a little more laid back. But the premise of this Fabulous Friday idea is to have a place to speak to the fabulousness that surrounds me in my girlfriends, and for young women to take inspiration from. I want this space to be about not apologizing for who we are.

I follow a Twitter account called “The Single Woman”. I can practically hear M snickering and making fun of me for a) being single and b) being a “sad, lonely girl” who takes inspiration from quotes from other people that are trying to make it okay to be single. I know this because he does this to me on a regular basis, including telling me that I will never get married or that, because I say I don’t need a man, I am a lesbian (I’m getting this on the table now as I know he’ll just come back to me with it if I don’t). But instead of the account being about why it’s okay to be single, it’s about not apologizing for who you are, what you want, and what you need.

Just because people think you should be or do something, it doesn’t mean that it’s right for you. I had to really look at what I wanted and how I felt, and it was only then that I realized that I’m happy being where I am right now – essentially, single. This point in my life works for me, despite the fact that some people may not get it. Do I go home to an empty apartment? Do I sleep alone at night? Yes. And I love it. I LIKE to be on my own. I can lounge around in my underwear and leave my stuff everywhere and no one can say shit about it. I get an entire Queen size bed to myself. I don’t have to check with anyone before I do things. I don’t have to worry that some menopausal, moody man is going to get upset because I spend time with myself or my friends instead of him. I realize that my life may not work for everyone, but it does for me. And that’s all I need.

I’ve stopped making excuses for why I live the way I do. And you should, too. Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? Then keep doing exactly what you’re doing. You are too amazing, too fabulous, and too smart to be doing anything other than what makes your life worth living.

Love,

M