I’ve always heard that being in your mid-20s brings a lot of changes to your life and to the lives of those around you. My mom always told me that, one year, everything will explode with weddings and babies – and truthfully, I was looking forward to it. I love weddings. I don’t love the dressing up part, but being able to go to a big party with all your friends and reminisce through speeches and eat really good food? What’s not to like? But now that I’m in this age gap, and people around me are getting engaged or engaging in serious relationships that could very well lead to marriage, I’m not dealing with it all that well.
I’ve never been a big proponent of change – I resist it and try to hang on to the “old” for a lot longer than I probably should. I like my life right now, for the most part – sure, there are some things that I’d change, but I’m working on that. So when all these engagements popped up on Facebook of people that I went to high school with, and one of my best friends in the WORLD got engaged, I was suddenly forced to realize that things weren’t going to be “normal” anymore. And then I realized that maybe it isn’t the change that I’m having a hard time dealing with, it’s the fact that I’m no where near where it seems like EVERYone else is. With everyone moving on to these new chapters, it’s my fear that I’ll lose some of these friends because we’re at such different points in our lives. And I don’t like to be left behind. I’m basically running after them yelling, “Hey! Can I play?! Where are you going?!”
I didn’t realize that these changes were weighing on me until my dreams started to reflect them. I had a dream that JL was engaged and didn’t tell me, and then didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I had a dream that people in my life were having babies and literally saying that I didn’t belong with them anymore. But the craziest thing to me – and why I don’t understand these dreams – is that I don’t WANT to be in that situation right now. I don’t want a husband and kids to get in the way of my traveling and my plans to go back to school. So all this is, really, is separation anxiety from those that I love. That, and the panic that I feel when I think about what if it was ME settling down into married life. That image is so foreign to me that I can’t even comprehend it. I know that it’s because there’s no one in my life that I could picture settling down with – but even more so it’s the fact that I’m the least settled person in the world right now, or so it feels.
I guess all this is is the strangeness of viewing all these changes around me and wondering why it’s happening – why are people getting married now, so young? And then I realize that it’s not young to them. They are exactly where they want to be in their lives, and they are taking the next step that they want to take. One day, I’ll be there. But right now I’m having too much fun being in my 20s and being carefree to worry about that. For now, my future thoughts are on what Master’s program to apply to or what country I want to visit next. And you know what? I’m more than okay with that. As long as I keep my friends in the process.
Love,
Bella
Forever young. That's my dream. People aspire for different things in life. Whether it is white picket fence, man of your dreams, and 2.5 children or traveling abroad seeing the world.
ReplyDeleteI had this debate with one of my co-workers. She was older and was trying to convince me that marriage and kids are the way to go. I told her that what I look forward to when I'm old and grey is my tell-all book about seeing the world and all my nieces and nephews and friends kids will come to me and hang to talk about the cool shit that I got to experience.
For me marriage,kids,houses are the end of the road. Sounds so boring. Then getting together with other friends who have kids to talk about the latest gadget like "the baby bullet". No thanks, I rather talk about the time where I attempted to climb mount everest or went on the REAL African lion safari.
So Bella, as all of our friends go off and get married they will always have us to escape their diaper changing reality and run off to a world of adventure for a moment as we catch up with them over coffee.
Don't let the pressures of society change who you want to be.Because then I will be left in the dust..... hahaha