Where Have All the Men Gone?: Online Men

I’m no stranger to online dating (I realize that makes me sound pathetic, but I refuse to delve too deeply into why I’ve been on and off dating sites for the past 3 years). I’m also no stranger to the type of femme men that populate those sites as they hope to find a woman that wants to date them.

For example, there are men that take photos of themselves. IN mirrors. These men need to be euthanized. Yes, I said euthanized. That’s something that annoying 15 year old girls and self-involved 20 year olds do. Even better? When they purse their lips and have on designer sun glasses…inside. Oh baby, I must have you now. I don’t care who you are, nor do I care if you don’t have many photos of yourself. Do not, under any circumstance, take a photo of yourself in a MIRROR. It’s demoralizing.

And then there are the guys that have photos of themselves in the GYM for Christ’s sake, with their shirts off, and their pants dangerously close to showing what I can only assume is an extremely small penis. After all, they’re compensating for something. These are also the guys that send me messages, such as “hey baby, you so fine”. Am I? Am I fine? Because right now I feel like I need to shower. Like, come on. Be a man. Talk normally. Like sports. Work out more than your God damned biceps.

Finally, there are the ones that think that showing their sensitive sides will get them women. Which it might. But it won’t get me. When I read a message from a man whose self-proclaimed interests are kissing, cuddling, and romance movies, I want to cry. I am NOT. KIDDING. One man (a term I use loosely) admitted to having nipple rings. Are you kidding me? Do you have a vagina? Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, go watch a hockey game and drink a beer. Burp. Do disgusting man things. At least then you’d be able to call yourself an actual man.

There are, of course, many other types of guys. But these are the ones that make me question the masculinity of men today. Looking back, I should have told them to strap on a pair. I feel like its advice they really could have used.

Love,

Bella