Bridesmaids and Red Wine

"Help me, I'm poor."

While this sounds like it would be a blog about every groomsman's dream, I have to disappoint the male readers out there; the title only refers to a night of good ol' brother-sister bonding over the movie "Bridesmaids" and continual refills of the red wine in our parents' basement (after the prerequisite questioning from him about my career choices and his voicing of concern for the scatteredness that is my life). I made dinner for the two of us (real spaghetti sauce - I'm basically a Food Network quality chef, no big deal) and we settled in to watch. Below are some golden nuggets of conversation and commentary from my increasingly intoxicated dear brother that are too funny not to share...

"Wanna get wine drunk? We'll drink wine and eat fudge and talk about boys."
--
M: Ok, let's take a break from the movie at 9 - I have to have a shower and then we can eat fudge.
Me: We're such girls.
M: Girls night!
--
M: This movie is you but you have a better car.
Me: I'm more successful.
M: Wellll...you were...now you live at home...
--
Remarking at the part of the movie when the main character - aka me - is playing tennis: "This part wouldn't be you becuase you wouldn't play a sport."
--
After he told me he was going to pay for my breakfast the next morning and I asked why: "Because you're poor and sad."
--
Speaking TO the clean eating fudge I made (it's so delicious! Find the recipe here) as he eats it: "I'm such a fatty. That's enough, this is it. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..."
--
"This movie is all you, every character!" (Thanks big brother...)
--
M: She's wearing the bridesmaid dress! ...I'm so gay.
Me: No, she isn't.
M: Oh, good, that's less gay.
--
"Being a woman seems exhausting."
--
He was really getting into the movie at this point: "How is he the only cop in this town?!"
--
"Jon Hamm is awesome."
(If you've seen this movie, you know how bad it is that he said this. In actuality, my brother is a really sweet guy. I promise.)
--
"That's a sweet ass wedding thing. I'd get married in the water."
--
K arrived later on in the night - and the wine - and was received very enthusiastically by both of us:
M: K's here!
Me: Hi K, do you want some wine?!
K: I'm going home.
--
K: What'd you do all day?
M: Went to the gym, crushed the workout, no big deal.
--
K: I can't wait until you get grey hair.
M: Why? Then I'll look like George Clooney.
(This was directly after he tried to convince us that he isn't conceited.)

Hope you enjoyed reading the latest escapade of my crazy family. I know I enjoyed living it!

Love,

M (the writer of the blog, not the brother!)