Confessions of an Aspiring - sort of - Literary Genius

Welcome to my life. I can't promise it's exciting, nor can I promise Nobel prize worthy literature that will endear me to readers across North America. I can, however, promise cynical views of life as an office worker, diets, workouts, and the search for a good man. I suppose now would be a good time to have a cute line, such as "hang on, because it's going to be a bumpy ride," but I'm not one for spewing out those sayings. "Grab a bottle of wine and some chocolate and settle in" is more my style.

I'm Bella. No, it's not my real name, but I have to keep some mystery to the blogging process (and yes, I really want to be Bella from Twilight. Shut up). I'm no Jen Lancaster, but her story is inspiring and her personality is hilarious, so she's pretty much my own personal hero (plus, she loves food and admits it. I'm pretty sure we could be best friends).

I want to be a writer (notice the creative book background to my blog?). I know how to write clearly and concisely, yet when I open MS Word to write a witty and intelligent description of my sophisticated life, my main concern is what font I will use. Today is Arial, size 10. Tomorrow might be Garamond, Times New Roman, or, my personal favourite, Calibri. And don't even get me started on how long it took me to decide what the default font type would be for the entire blog.

One of my girlfriends thinks that I would be a great writer (if I ever write a book, I will dedicate it to her). I love when my friends have that faith in me that I have long since lost.

“Write about your life, and how it went from exciting and promising to dull and boring, stuck in a job you don't know how to do and living with your parents.”

Okay, so maybe she didn’t say that in so many words (it was more like, “Write about your life, where you are now and where you want to go”), but it’s basically what I’m pretty sure she meant. Or it’s at least how I took it because it’s kind of, well, right.

See, I majored in English Literature at school. I didn’t exactly LOVE it (I hated it, actually) but I got by with average marks, made some great friends, and got to live in England for 8 months. Exciting, right? Granted, even with all of that, the only year I really enjoyed was 4th year, because by that time my doctor had given me a prescription for anti-depression medication that took me from crying hysterically when I dropped my pen and lying on my bed in the fetal position to relatively normal and functioning. Life was looking up.

I graduated University and was working back at the place that employed me for my 4 summers during school. While my friends were going to med school, law school, or teacher’s college, I was working in a tiny boardroom with 6 other people sorting through files. But I liked it. The work sucked, but I loved the people and made really great friends through that job. We learned more about each other than we probably ever wanted to know. We told inappropriate jokes that, taken out of context, would have gotten us some serious harassment cases.

Then the summer ended. I was placed into a data analysis job that I had no idea how to do. I got pretty good at faking it.

And I’m still here. I know a little bit more, but I still make an astounding amount of mistakes that have adverse affects on people involved with my job. I work with one of my girlfriends and some great people, but neither of us particularly like our jobs.

Don’t get me wrong. I know I’m lucky to have a job, and it pays really well, especially since I have no training. But it can get stressful, and then I start to sweat with anxiety and make even more mistakes than usual.

However, I also don’t have a job where I always have work to do (which is why I am currently writing at my desk and listening to Carrie Underwood). It depends primarily on my managers, employees, and the current developments of the project. There’s a lot of downtime, during which I read smutty novels (yes, at my desk; please don’t judge me), eavesdrop on other employees, chat with my girlfriend, text my friends updates of my day, and do internet crosswords. This lasts for months.

Where is my life going? I have no idea. But I hope to find out soon.

Love,

Bella