Monday Night Ritual

(This photo has nothing to do with this post; I just thought it was really pretty).

It was another Bachelorette night in the house last Monday. I could barely contain my excitement all day, partly for what R and M were going to come out with this week, and partly because that show is just so damn addictive.

Seriously, I wasn’t even planning on watching it this season, and I’m hooked. I love Chris L and could totally see myself married to him. If he’s the next Bachelor, I am SO applying. He’s just so frigging cute. And manly. And did you see how his helmet was always cocked to the side? Melt my heart.

I also love Roberto, though I completely agree with Ali when she said she wouldn’t have gone up to him because he’s too hot for her. The difference being, however, that he actually IS too hot for me. Ali’s cute and tiny and blonde. I am the opposite. I could probably muscle him into taking me out, but who wants to have to beat the guy up just to buy you a drink?

Anyway, got way off topic there. I’m sad Kasey is gone, only because he reached a major level of crazy that is just priceless. He is, however, better than Justin. Seriously, that guy is the personification of ‘douchebag’. He’s so smarmy, all he cared about was upping Kasey, yet he gets all cutesy and nice when he’s with Ali. You don’t fool me, Justin!

And that move by Ali – y’all know what I’m talking about – when she took her snowsuit off and had her bathing suit on? Yeah, that one. I am secure enough to admit that yes, she looked good. I am not secure enough to suggest that she looked good on her own. Please, there was some serious fake tan going on. And her blue suit TOTALLY accentuated that. Along with the ever so flattering lighting and, well, it was just smoke and mirrors that made the men go crazy.

However, if I were to pull that same move, I’m fairly certain that the men would either a) tell me to put the snowsuit back on, or b) claim tiredness (as M so nicely suggested) and go back to the hotel. Either way, my hilarious sense of humour and sparkling personality couldn’t even help in that situation.

Whatever.

It’s also no secret that I’m not Ali’s biggest fan. Her voice makes me want to shot myself in the ear. But the way she acted when she drunk was frickin’ awesome. I honestly felt that, in that moment, she and I could be best friends.

She was having so much fun; it made me want to drink to experience that same level of fun.

Except instead of being surrounded by 6 gorgeous men (well, gorgeous except for Frank…and Craig, but he’s funny so it’s okay), I would be alone in my room on the computer, seriously considering rejoining Plenty of Fish.

Hmm, what picture would I put up?…

Compromising Masculinity in the Name of The Bachelorette

“Are you guys watching The Bachelorette?” Any time I get to see my brothers compromise their masculinity, which actually happens more often than may be considered healthy, I jump at the chance to see them in action.

“I’m not; I’m going home to bed.” R, my 27 year old cousin by birth but who I consider to be another brother, works 7am-7pm shifts at OPG. The 10pm end time of The Bachelorette is too late for him to get his required amount of beauty sleep. “I’ll just stay for a bit.”

He was hooked by the first commercial.

M, 25, writes a running commentary for his own blog and documents his thoughts, and ours, as the show progresses. His excitement for the show borders on questionable. He maintains that he loves Ali; I think he loves to compare himself to the shirtless men while reassuring himself that he’s better looking than half of them. The love that boy has for himself goes beyond any love that he could have for another.

“Ali isn’t even that pretty, and her voice is SO annoying.” I really don’t like that girl. She’s too whiney and babyish for a 25 year old professional. News flash, honey: if a man wants you because you treat him as the best thing on God’s green earth, he’s probably not going to love you like you want him to.

“You shut your mouth,” R retaliates. Yet another man has been won over by Ali’s fake, and cheap looking, if you ask me, blond hair extensions. (The fact that I have a picture of Ali for this post makes me want to throw up).

Around the point where Kasey, the might-be-deaf-or-at-least-sounds-like-it guy from California, starts singing, I know we’re all here for the long haul.

“Oh, my God. Oh, my GOD. What is he doing? Why does he keep singing? What a loser.” M’s fingers are flying across his keyboard in his excitement to document the catastrophe that is unfolding on screen.

“This is painful. I think I actually feel sorry for him. She cannot give him a rose. No way. Why would she keep him?” See what I mean? The boys are so into it that they don’t even realize I’m laughing at them instead of Kasey. “She’s keeping him? Bullshit. He’s so creepy.”

When they start shouting advice at the TV (“dude, what are you doing?” “don’t say THAT” “oh, that was good, wasn’t that good? Well played, man”), I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy that these two men are in my family.

Fast forward to Ali’s group date with the guys in New York at the production of The Lion King. Jonathon’s excitement, while so outwardly feminine that it makes me wonder if he proposes group showers after working out, is what I fear would mirror my brothers’ excitement should they ever find themselves in the situation of possibly singing on Broadway.

I honestly think they might have been taking notes from Roberto, who chose to sing to Ali instead of to the pianist. “He IS kind of handsome,” R decides. What?

I know that they play up their act because, together, they really are hilarious. However, in moments of quiet when they are taking in all the drama instead of playing off each other’s all too accurate jokes of being gay, I get to witness their real feelings towards the show. These moments are little gems.

Case in point: Ali kisses Roberto after their part in The Lion King. R exclaims, “oooh!!” M gasps, “oh hello!”

I love those guys.